Harvest

Right now, I feel like life is ripe for the picking.

My husband and I found out right after the new year that I am expecting. With my previous pregnancy being ectopic, we took the news day by day not knowing exactly how it would play out. Fortunately, every test and every appointment has gone without complication. I have been able to enjoy a healthy pregnancy for the last seven months. Life is a beautiful thing.

I was also given the opportunity to teach a 6-week series for incoming freshman at the University of Utah through the TRiO program. The class focuses on eating well on a budget - a topic that I couldn't be more passionate about. I was thrilled at the opportunity and have been excited to get started and meet the students. I am currently in week 3 of the series and have really enjoyed getting to know the students and showing them practical hands-on skills that they can utilize for years to come.

Yet another blessing is the abundance of raspberries my bush has yielded this year. Oh my, the raspberries! They are incredibly fragrant and sweetly tart. I simply cannot get enough of them. I have found myself putting them in everything! Hopefully, I can benefit some of you with the recipes I have come up with.

We've been getting a bowl this size every other day this week!

There will be much more to come.

With Love,

Jess

Heartbreak & Home Ownership

I have been so looking forward to the summer.

For months I anticipated the end of the semester when I could take a break from school and have the freedom to do with my time as I pleased. As April came, I was overwhelmed by final projects, exam preparations, and buying my first home but I knew the end was near. Soon I would be able to rest.

Then, I began to feel sick. Every day I would feel a bit of nausea and fatigue. I contributed it to stress and tried to ignore it. In the back of my mind I thought, "Could I be pregnant? No, no I don't think so."

Once the bleeding started I knew something was wrong. I tried waiting it out, just in case, but going into the second week I knew I shouldn't wait any longer. Something just didn't feel right. I made an appointment with my doctor and he got me right in.

Then it happened. The nurse came in and told me I was pregnant.

I didn't know whether to smile and laugh or to cry. I wasn't sure how to feel.  I didn't want to become too attached to the idea of having a baby. I knew there was a major possibility this pregnancy wouldn't last.

Once you hear those words; once you see it in writing and see the hormone levels indicating how far along you are...there is really no coming back from that. The attachment starts there. I tried so hard to keep my distance. It didn't work.

The next four weeks were long and drawn out. I spent almost every day in the hospital for a few hours to get my blood drawn to check my pregnancy hormone levels. At first they went down, but then they doubled. I felt like I had this pregnancy taken away from me and then given right back. I allowed myself to hope.

Eventually we found out that I had a tubal pregnancy. It was one of the worst pieces of news I have ever received. I prayed that if God needed this child more than I did, that he would take it. That I wouldn't have to decide when to end it. I prayed for a miscarriage. As crazy as that sounds, I did. I wanted his will to be done but I didn't want to be a part of it. The longer I waited, the more dangerous the pregnancy was for me. I hated it. All of it.

There is a verse in Isaiah that says, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."

I remember feeling like I was fighting against the current just to live through the day. That each day, the waters were getting higher and higher. I was up to my chin with my own tears and all of the physical and emotional pain. I was exhausted but I had also encountered a strange sense of peace. I knew I would get through it, I just had to keep moving. I just had to keep praying.

It's been almost 10 weeks since I found out I was pregnant and some days are still difficult but I am keeping busy. My husband and I closed on our first house and have been moving in and decorating for a month now. That has helped a lot.

I'm starting to feel like myself again. I think the change of the season is helping as well.

With Love,
Jess

(I have hopes to start posting recipes again soon!)