Heartbreak & Home Ownership

I have been so looking forward to the summer.

For months I anticipated the end of the semester when I could take a break from school and have the freedom to do with my time as I pleased. As April came, I was overwhelmed by final projects, exam preparations, and buying my first home but I knew the end was near. Soon I would be able to rest.

Then, I began to feel sick. Every day I would feel a bit of nausea and fatigue. I contributed it to stress and tried to ignore it. In the back of my mind I thought, "Could I be pregnant? No, no I don't think so."

Once the bleeding started I knew something was wrong. I tried waiting it out, just in case, but going into the second week I knew I shouldn't wait any longer. Something just didn't feel right. I made an appointment with my doctor and he got me right in.

Then it happened. The nurse came in and told me I was pregnant.

I didn't know whether to smile and laugh or to cry. I wasn't sure how to feel.  I didn't want to become too attached to the idea of having a baby. I knew there was a major possibility this pregnancy wouldn't last.

Once you hear those words; once you see it in writing and see the hormone levels indicating how far along you are...there is really no coming back from that. The attachment starts there. I tried so hard to keep my distance. It didn't work.

The next four weeks were long and drawn out. I spent almost every day in the hospital for a few hours to get my blood drawn to check my pregnancy hormone levels. At first they went down, but then they doubled. I felt like I had this pregnancy taken away from me and then given right back. I allowed myself to hope.

Eventually we found out that I had a tubal pregnancy. It was one of the worst pieces of news I have ever received. I prayed that if God needed this child more than I did, that he would take it. That I wouldn't have to decide when to end it. I prayed for a miscarriage. As crazy as that sounds, I did. I wanted his will to be done but I didn't want to be a part of it. The longer I waited, the more dangerous the pregnancy was for me. I hated it. All of it.

There is a verse in Isaiah that says, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."

I remember feeling like I was fighting against the current just to live through the day. That each day, the waters were getting higher and higher. I was up to my chin with my own tears and all of the physical and emotional pain. I was exhausted but I had also encountered a strange sense of peace. I knew I would get through it, I just had to keep moving. I just had to keep praying.

It's been almost 10 weeks since I found out I was pregnant and some days are still difficult but I am keeping busy. My husband and I closed on our first house and have been moving in and decorating for a month now. That has helped a lot.

I'm starting to feel like myself again. I think the change of the season is helping as well.

With Love,
Jess

(I have hopes to start posting recipes again soon!)

I'm trying to give myself some grace . . .

I will be putting up a couple posts at the beginning of next week!

Life is really crazy at the moment with midterms, working extra hours, and trying to keep my sanity. :) I love this blog and plan to continue to post to it. However, it will probably be only once or twice a week for a while until summer break.

I get in these patterns where I try to do everything all at once AND I want to do them all perfectly. Do you ever do that? I just run myself into the ground because I don't want to give anything up!

Sadly, I have to pull back on something and because this blog is 'extracurricular', I have to be responsible and lower my standards for how many posts I can put up.

Feel free to follow me on Facebook so you know when I post a new recipe or if I quickly share a meal or two in between posts.

Thank you all for the amazing support and encouragement throughout this process! It has really been amazing. I am eagerly awaiting summer so I can share more delicious money saving recipes!


With Love,
Jess

Pot Stickers & Vegetable Stir Fry

$12.50 total / $2.05 per serving
($7.67 for Pot Stickers @ $0.85 per serving, $4.83 for Stir Fry @ $1.20 per serving)

This is one of those recipes that I love to make in large batches and freeze the extras for quick meals during the month. I love pot stickers, so it is only appropriate that I have them on hand at all times in my freezer. :) These little babies require a little time to put together but are oh so worth it! Don't even get me started on the dipping sauce......seriously. If I could, I would put it on top of everything! Oh wait, I do...

I typically make a double batch of the sauce and then freeze it in an extra ice cube tray so I have little individual sized servings ready to go! The pot stickers freeze beautifully as well and make weekday dinners effortless. I hope you enjoy these as much as I do!

Nutritional Highlight: Ground Turkey Breast. Turkey is an obvious substitution for ground beef when you are looking for something a little less fatty with the same functionality as beef. You can substitute ground turkey in any recipe that ground beef is called for, just make sure to read the label. You want to make sure you are buying ground turkey breast, not a mixture of light and dark meat. If you aren't careful, you can end up with just about as much fat as lean ground sirloin. Ground turkey also contains more calcium than ground beef but does contain less iron. 

Pot Stickers & Vegetable Stir Fry  (Pot Stickers: serves 9, Stir Fry: serves 4)
adapted from Everyday Food

• For The Dipping Sauce

  • 1 cup soy sauce
  • 1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons white vinegar
  • 2-3 Tbsp Sriracha sauce
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 2 tablespoon grated peeled fresh ginger
  • 2 tablespoon toasted sesame oil
  • Scallion greens (optional), for garnish

• For The Pot Stickers

  • 2 scallions, cut into 1-inch pieces
  • 1 medium carrot, diced medium
  • 1 large egg white
  • 1 pound ground turkey (or ground pork**very tasty!)
  • 1/4 cup dipping sauce
  • 36 wonton wrappers
  • Nonstick cooking spray
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  For The Stir Fry

  • 2 scallions, cut into 1-inch pieces
  • 3 medium carrots, sliced into strips
  • 1 large head of baby bok choy, washed and large stems discarded
  • 1 medium onion, sliced
  • 1 cup mushrooms, sliced
  • 1/4 cup dipping sauce
  • vegetable oil
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  • In a medium bowl, whisk together soy sauce, vinegar, Sriracha, sugar, ginger, and sesame oil; set dipping sauce aside.
  • 
    
  • Make pot stickers: In a food processor, process scallions, carrot, egg white, and half the turkey until a paste forms. Transfer to a medium bowl. Mix in the remaining turkey. Stir in dipping sauce.
  • 
    
  • Working with one wonton wrapper at a time, place 1 scant tablespoon meat mixture in center. With a wet finger, moisten edge of wrapper, then fold over filling and press to seal. Cover filled dumplings with a kitchen towel while you work.
  • 
    
  • Lightly coat a large nonstick skillet with cooking spray and heat over high. In batches, cook dumplings until golden brown on both sides, 1 to 2 minutes per side. Carefully add 1/2 cup water to skillet, cover, and cook until water has almost evaporated and dumplings are tender, 3 minutes. Uncover and cook until remaining water evaporates (reduce heat to medium if dumplings are overbrowning). Transfer pot stickers to a plate. Wipe skillet clean between batches. Add scallion greens to dipping sauce if desired and serve alongside pot stickers.
  • 
    
  • Meanwhile, heat up a couple tbsp of vegetable oil in a stir fry pan. When the oil starts to smoke, add the carrots and onion. Cook the vegetables until tender, stirring almost constantly, about 5 minutes. Add in the rest of the vegetables except the bok choy. Once the mushrooms are cooked, reduce heat to low add in the bok choy. Let the pan cool a bit before adding the dipping sauce so you don't get a splatter of sauce everywhere. Mix in the dipping sauce and serve. 
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  • **Lay the extra uncooked pot stickers on a cookie sheet and place in the freezer until frozen - 30 minutes to an hour. Once they are frozen, you can transfer them to a big ziplock freezer bag to enjoy at your convenience! Just heat them up in the skillet with the same method although adding 2-3 minutes per side. Typically takes about 10 minutes to cook when frozen.**
  • 
    

  Nutritional Analysis:

  
  

  Per serving (4 potstickers and 1 cup stir fry): 243 calories, 1.5g fat, 33.2g carbohydrates, 20.1g protein and high in Calcium, Vitamin A, Vitamin B-6, Vitamin C, Fiber, Iron, Manganese, Magnesium, Niacin, Phosphorus, Potassium, Riboflavin, Selenium and Thiamin

Spaghetti Squash with Marinara and Mushrooms

$6.22 total / $1.56 per serving

I made this a couple weeks ago for my friend on her birthday. I was going to take her out but once I learned she was on a strict diet, I thought it would be more fun to make her something. I came up with this little dinner and it turned out delicious! I absolutely love spaghetti squash, you can do so much with it. This recipe is really simple and simply treats it as the 'noodle' base for basic spaghetti with mushrooms.

Nutritional Highlight: Spaghetti Squash. This squash is an excellent addition to any diet plan. Per serving, it is low in calories, has a fair amount of fiber and boasts many vitamins and minerals. The water content also helps to fill you up. It can be eaten plain with salt and pepper or used as a substitute for pasta like I've done in this dish. 

Spaghetti Squash with Marinara and Mushrooms  (serves 3-4)

1/2 Marinara Sauce recipe
3 cups Mushrooms, cleaned and sliced
1 Spaghetti Squash, about 3 lbs.
4 cloves Garlic, minced
1 Tbsp Butter, unsalted
2 Tbsp Olive Oil
Salt and Pepper
Parmesan Cheese, for serving


Make the marinara as directed or reheat on the stove if made previously. Preheat the oven to 375º and bake the entire spaghetti squash on a sheet pan for 1 hour. Let the squash cool for 10 minutes.

While the squash is cooling, heat a skillet to medium and melt 1 Tbsp butter. Add the mushrooms. Let the mushrooms cook until softened, about 5 minutes. Add 2 minced cloves of garlic and continue to cook for another 10 minutes or so until the mushrooms are cooked.

Once the spaghetti squash has cooled, cut it open lengthwise, take the seeds out and use a fork to scrape out the inside of the squash. Either wait until the mushrooms are done and then transfer them to a bowl and cover, or grab a different skillet. Pour 2 Tbsp olive oil in the pan, then add the remaining garlic. Cook the garlic until fragrant but not burnt, about 1-2 minutes. Place the spaghetti squash in the skillet with the butter and garlic, toss until coated. Season with salt and pepper.

Plate with the spaghetti squash first, about 1-2 cups, then with 1 cup marinara and about 1/2 cup mushrooms. Sprinkle with parmesan and eat!

Nutritional Analysis:

Per serving: 311 calories, 12.7g fat (3.9g saturated, 1.4 polyunsaturated, 6.6 monounsaturated), 40.8g carbohydrates, 9.1g protein and over 15% daily value of Vitamin A, Vitamin B-6, Vitamin C, Vitamin E, Calcium, Copper, Iron, Magnesium, Manganese, Niacin, Pantothenic Acid, Phosphorus, Riboflavin, and Thiamin